happiness

First Post - About This Blog - Started on 12-18-2010

It's  my 57th birthday and I am happy and grateful to be alive with goals and aspirations and a loving family to keep me on track. Can't ask for more than that in life . . .

I like to read self-help books. Last year I spent way too much at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. A good number of these books are either totally about happiness, such as "Happier," by Tal Ben Shahar and the relatively new "Thrive," by Dan Buettner, or they have a good portion devoted to concepts, notions and advice about how to be more self-fulfilled or authentic to your inner self, such as "Flow," by Mihaly Csikszentmihaly or "A New Earth," by Eckhart Tolle.

These books, along with my life’s pathways, have formed my views about what constitutes some semblance of happiness, for I do believe that it is impossible to be completely happy. There has to be the opposite of happiness, so to speak, without getting too deep here.

Basically I have concluded that there are four pathways in life that everyone needs to walk down in order to become more self-fulfilled and happier. They are, quite simply, Healthy, Self-Sufficient, Purposeful and Loving – not exactly an Earth- shattering discovery.

Obviously, most human beings want to be healthy, self-sufficient, have a higher purpose in life beyond ourselves and be loved and give love.  My goal here is to acknowledge and synthesize what many of the experts have to say about these things - and include some of my own relative experiences. By simply synthesizing what the experts have to say, I can continue to get a broader understanding of the many options available to me to set my life’s momentum forward in a more positive direction along each of these four pathways. 

Plus, my personal experiences are very real, and, I believe, very common examples of someone who continues to struggle with becoming healthier, more self-sufficient, more purposeful and increasingly loving of all my fellow human beings.  None of these four pathways are easy to walk down. Unfortunately, there are too many of us who are unhealthy, unable to effectively support ourselves and our families, work at meaningless jobs that are not fulfilling, are involved in harmful relationships and pretty much treat others in disrespectful and selfish ways.   The obvious question is what are we going to do about these horrible and debilitating aspects of our lives? Let’s begin with the first pathway, Healthy.

 On Being Healthy

What do you put inside your body and how much do you exercise? That pretty much sums up what needs to be asked about being healthy.  It’s amazing how providing information about diet, proper body and mind maintenance and exercise has become a multi-billion dollar industry when all you really need to know is eat right, don’t drink bad stuff in excess, don’t smoke anything, don’t ingest nasty drugs and make sure you get enough proper exercise and rest.

Let’s start with eating right.  I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to not eating properly.  For many people, lunch typically consists mostly of alcoholic liquids in nice glasses with ice cubes.  When they do eat actual food, it is usually saturated with fat, fried, and/or sugar-laden. Many have already had their gallbladders removed and are teetering on severe liver and pancreatic problems in the not-too-distant future – not to mention heart disease.  About ½ million American each year have their gallbladders removed, and an estimated 5.7 million Americans are living with heart failure, with  670,000 new cases diagnosed each year.

When it comes to eating, I think many of us are buffoons either frequently or on-occasion – that is, of course, unless your name is Michael Pollan, author of “In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto” and the “The Omnivore’s Dilemma.”  Here is somebody who knows food. His “Eater’s Manifesto” begins with the following simple advice: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” It’s his short answer to what he calls an “incredibly complicated and confusing question of what we humans should eat in order to be maximally healthy.”   He writes at great length about how our Western diet and agricultural soil have some very harmful effects.  He tells us to eat organically – sounds like a solid plan if you can do it. In short, Michael Pollan makes a lot of sense.

We should all eat like Michael Pollan, but we don’t.  You can either eat like Michael Pollan (which is kind of an extreme health concept that is very difficult to practice) or like the numerous food experts out there who all have great suggestions for how to eat right, or you can start paying closer attention to and practicing what the Department of Agriculture has to say about eating.  In particular, the USDA’s Dietary Guidelines website is a great place to start.

There’s lots more to report on health issues, as well as the other three pathways of self-sufficiency, purpose and love, that are being covered in more depth in future posts (see below).

Have Yourself an Existential Christmas

After reading “Man Seeks God” by Eric Weiner this week, along with a previous weekend in which I re-read Eckhart Tolle, and, of course, with Christmas only two days away, I’m in a confusing existential space and have come to the conclusion that what I need is a shot of positive energy.

This space is where the pathways of Health, Self-Sufficiency, Purpose and Love intersect. How I live each day contributes to each of the pathways in some way. For example, I wake up, exercise (health), go to work (self-sufficiency), try to do something meaningful in my work (purpose), and then pick up my son from school (love).

Despite all this there is a void and it has to do with faith, religion and spirituality. Like Weiner,  I have not found my God and don’t really expect to find my God anytime soon. I dabble in Buddhism, Christianity, and various forms of spirituality that I read about in modern books. I can’t partake in rituals because I find them to be illogical. Hence, I don’t go to church. I am also unable to mediate, but I keep trying. I believe in the Golden Rule, and I basically love life and feel fortunate to have food, clothing, shelter, health and love – and I seek out more purpose and more success at the work I do each day.   Purpose and self-sufficiency are the two pathways that require a bit more petro in my tank. So, I keep searching.  

All the pathways require focus and a reminder to keep at it. What else is there?

Re-Reading Eckhart Tolle

Re-reading Eckhart Tolle has brought me back to this blog after a long absence. It has made me think about work and the self-sustaining pathway. One important thing that Tolle has made me re-realize is that the past is the past to let go of and the future is not known. Live in the present, deal with the present, observe what is in front of you both inwardly and outwardly. When things are not going your way, remember that “this too shall pass in due time.”

When it comes to work, I have come to realize that you can’t hold a grudge on those who treat you with disrespect, and you can’t expect anything from prospective customers/clients. If you are an entrepreneur,  you may agree with me and understand that it is not uncommon for potential customers/clients to say that they are going to conduct business with you only to find them suddenly ignoring you.  When this happens, all you can do is let those prospects fall into the past and work at what’s in front of you or what comes into your creative instinct – give it your best effort always. Stop and look inside yourself and what you are doing. Is all you are doing in sync with your true self/soul/being?  If you feel strongly that you are in sync, nothing else really matters. Enjoy!

On Heart Disease and the Roseto Effect (now, unfortunately, long gone)

The neighborhood brought numerous friendships and good times. It was a very tight community to grow up in.  We socialized outdoors and laughed an awful lot. We lived in a community that looked out for each other in many ways. We lived a kind of Roseto effect.

What is the Roseto effect? A very good  definition can be found at this URL: http://www.uic.edu/classes/osci/osci590/14_2%20The%20Roseto%20Effect.htm, which looks like it came from a relatively old University of Illinois at Chicago class titled “Dental Anthropology, Human Evolution, and Hominid Evolution.”  It’s basically proof of how people nourish people and the importance of social networks that support good health and longevity. It is based on a 1960s study of an Italian-American community in Roseto, PA, so named after its corresponding village in Italy, Roseto Valfortore.

Italian immigrants settled in PA during the late 1800s, finding work at the slate quarries and for the railroad and in blouse factories. As noted in the aforementioned definition:

"Medical researchers were drawn to Roseto by a bewildering statistic: in defiance of medical logic, Rosetans seemed nearly immune to one of the most common causes of death. They died of heart attacks at a rate only half of the rest of America. Doctors were mystified in that residents led what medical textbooks predicted would be short lives."

The Roseto men, for instance, smoked and drank a lot of wine. Plus, their diets were not the best by today’s standards, as they frequently consumed meals that were very high in fat, such as cooked-in-lard sausages and meatballs with pasta and bread. They also “spent their days in backbreaking, hazardous labor, working 200 feet down in nearby slate quarries.”

In addition to not getting heart disease, Roseto, PA in the 50s and 60s had zero crime rates and had never applied for any public assistance. The households typically consisted of three generations, with high levels of respect for the elderly.  In addition, Rosetans walked a lot, had social clubs, were religious and frequently took part in community- and church-organized celebrations.  All of this combined contributed toward good health and longevity.

The research on Roseto confirmed what sociologists had already known - that healthy communities are stable and predictable.

"Into the 1960s, Roseto was the epitome of predictability and conformity. In clothing, housing or automobiles, any display of wealth was taboo . . . All of that conformity reduced the distance between the haves and have-nots, thereby reinforcing everyone’s sense of conformity also spared Rosetans the stress that comes with freedom of choice. . . Possibly the strongest conformity in the village was the work ethic. Not only did everyone work here, they worked toward a common goal – a better life for their children."

Finally, Roseto’s first priest and high community influencer, Pasquale de Nisco, preached education, a legacy that lived on into the mid twentieth century in which statistics showed that Rosetans worked hard to send their children to college “at a rate far above the national average.”

Ironically, the rise of a more educated populace brought a larger white-collar class that ultimately suburbanized Roseto by the 1970s, bringing in its wake a fenced-yard mentality.   The first heart attack of a Rosetan who was under 45 happened in 1971. Today Rosteans’ vulnerability to heart attack is equivalent to the national average.   

The Age of Communication Breakdown: A Rant About Email

The age of communicating digitally has brought about a good number of head-scratching implications for me in the world of business. After years of communicating by email, for instance, I have yet to figure out how to get a message across effectively. For example -  for reasons that I find difficult to explain -being direct in an email message usually brings about unintended consequences and misunderstandings.   For example, you can’t write something like the following in an email communication: “Hey (insert party’s name):  You need to get back with me today because I need the information you promised to send me over one week ago, like immediately, so I can meet the deadline you requested; otherwise, everything is going to be delayed and not in line with what you wanted in the first place.”

Instead, the above email message has to be couched something like this: “Dear (insert party’s name): Hope you don’t mind the inquiry, but I was wondering if we can discuss the recent parameters of the project at a day and time that is most convenient for you. Can you please let me know when it might be a good day/time to contact you? Thank you.”

I once had a boss who took great offense when I said “you need to do xyz” inside an email. The boss claimed that I was being disrespectful by using that kind of phrase. In other words, you are too low on the totem poll to be telling me that I need to do what I had promised to do in the first place. Now, if I had been the president of the company, saying “you need to do xyz” – that would have been a different story.

So, in short, there is often a pecking order when it comes to business communications via email. However, pecking orders are outdated in today’s modern work environment.  Effective groups are ones in which everyone feels equal and unencumbered by being forced to communicate in pecking-order, overly polite speak.  Why not just say whatever you think needs to be said based on fact and honesty?  If you are wrong, you get corrected – no hard feelings. If you have something that’s a valid point to help move things forward, let’s acknowledge that and do the right thing.  Email communications should be similar to close friends or siblings talking to each other with no hard feelings for being honest and forthright.  You should also be able to debate things in a way in which nobody feels offended. It’s strange that this kind of communication cannot typically be accomplished via email. I mean here we have this wonderful tool that gives us all kinds of flexibility and we have to use it in a way that is mostly ineffective and frustrating.

Then, of course, there’s the I-refuse-to-respond-to-your-email-in-a-timely-fashion – or not at all - approach.  I am one of those crazy persons, I guess, who responds to every email I get from any person that I know. I would not, of course, respond to an email that has some kind of nasty, threatening message. Actually I have never received an email that was threatening or nasty.  I always respond, and I find it disrespectful when people I know do not respond to an email. It’s like seeing someone you know on the street and completely avoiding them. I find it rude, actually. And I don’t care how many emails you happen to get.

I grew up in a neighborhood in which people would call you out if you did not say hello to them – the same kind of rule should apply to email. If someone you know sends you an email, respond to them out of simple human respect.

The Self-Employment Blues

Well, I haven’t been posting much due to an enormous push to develop the SOURCE on Community College Issues, Trends & Strategies, my latest endeavor in the world of work and self-sufficient maintenance.

To put it mildly, being an entrepreneur can be extremely difficult. Things rarely go as you expect; there’s no paycheck when your paid work drops to a snail’s pace. The worries start to pile up, but you keep plugging along, working hard, thinking positive, knowing deep inside that things will eventually turn around – they always do as long as you keep trying and do not give up.

Of course, all of this takes a good amount of creativity, too.  Sometimes, however, the creative juices don’t flow as readily when the sustenance part drops down. So, you take more naps, more walks, eat a little more, pace a little more, scratch your head and complain a little more, get down on yourself  and others and then start over in the morning with a positive attitude after a few cups of coffee.

Thinking about Transitions

Haven’t posted anything of late because I’ve been busy making the transition back to home base, but that’s really not a legitimate excuse when you consider the availability of technology these days. I could have been posting from my lap top at any time and from any place.

We make them everyday – transitions from one state of mind to another, and from one place to another. Some transitions are obviously more pronounced and/or more important than others. Transitioning from single to married life and to being a parent, for instance -  those are biggies. Transitioning from driving on the freeway to your exit – not so big, unless you live in a major metropolis with a busy freeway.

I’m not very good with transitions, particularly when transitioning from my common everyday space to what can be considered a more formal space. For instance, I’m a jeans and tee-shirt guy, and whenever I have to transition to wearing a sports coat and collared shirt with a pair of dress slacks, I’m completely uncomfortable.  And wearing a suit and tie – well, that, in my opinion, has the quality of being mummified.  I simply don’t find enjoyment in wearing more formal clothing. I guess I’m similar to Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple.  Have you ever seen that guy in anything other than pair of jeans and a semi turtle-necked black shirt? Fortunately for him, he can dress in his most comfortable garb without being judged. Most Fortune company CEOs can’t get away with that or don’t want to, preferring the multi-thousand dollar suit and tie – same goes for politicians. You would not want to see the President giving a state of the union speech in jeans and a tee-shirt. Steve Jobs, however, gives his company’s state of the union speech to extremely large audiences wearing the aforementioned. Steve Jobs is one of my heroes just for this fact alone – forget that he created the iPad.

Another transition I have never been comfortable with is the one from home-base to an office, in particular a cubicle. I’ve had to do this in the past on many occasions, working for a variety of companies over my 57 years. I recall one place in particular where I had to report to my very small cubicle every day. I decorated the cubicle with pictures that I cut out from magazines, just so I would not have to look at the gray, flannelled-like walls. One of the pictures was from an advertisement showing a guy digging a hole in the floor inside his cubicle, like he was escaping from prison. It was hilarious. People would come into my cubicle and see that picture and immediately become uncomfortable too. In short, I am much more productive working from my own, personal space. More companies, I think, are starting to realize this and give employees more time to work from their homes.

The transition from sleep to wakefulness has its challenges – where’s that coffee, ha, ha.

And others:

Slow to fast and vice versa

Silence to talking

Lazy to active thinking

Thinking to writing

There are obviously many more. However, this transition that I recently experienced from a beautiful and warm part of California where I was able to walk along the ocean everyday and back to the cold and rainy month of March in WNY where I have been walking inside a mall with a good number of senior citizens did cause some slight damage to my psyche, at least temporarily.   I’m now out of it and back at being productive again. It took two weeks, though.

Thank you California

Over the past six and a half weeks I have had the pleasure of exploring California from San Francisco down the central coast to San Luis Obispo and back up again, with home based in Monterey. More than seeing such an outrageously gorgeous part of the country - ranging from spectacularly wooded areas with some of the most beautiful and majestic trees I have ever seen in my life, to green rolling hills, large and bright rainbows, and, of course, the ocean waves, the rocky coastline, and the sea lions, otters, and vast variety of bird life – I have come away with a calming sense of pleasure in having re-experienced the laid-back character that permeates the West Coast.

As I had expected, this trip has reenergized my spirit and reinforced my notion of how place (where you live) -  at least for me -  can inject a highly positive jolt of health and happiness into one’s overall well being.

The most amazing parts of this journey were accomplished by simply walking long distances across beautiful pathways highlighted by one beautiful vista after another.  The walks were more than enough to make me feel calm and happy and creative. I accomplished a lot in the work department.

When I get back to WNY next week, the walks will take place there as well – depending on the weather – either at a mall or on the path near my house – which is also quite nice but not nearly as awesome as what I have been experiencing for 46 days now.  The mall might be too depressing and eliminated completely, replaced with a stationary bike ride in my basement, where in this scenario there is no view but at least I can read while exercising.

Overall, this trip has made me love life and humanity, in general, more. It has heightened my awareness of all four pathways: health, self-sufficiency, purpose and love. 

The consistent walking heightened my health.

By heightening my health, I worked more efficiently, was sharper and seemingly less anxious.

My notions of purpose in life were also heightened, realizing more strongly than ever that you have to continue to focus on your personal growth and become more aware of your talents and abilities to do something good in the world outside of yourself – to make the world a better place in your own small way  (this is the one pathway where I need to work harder).

For the love pathway, I have become more aware of its presence everywhere and can feel it in my bones more than ever before. All that walking in beauty helped with this pathway as well.

So, California, thank you.  

Thank you, John Steinbeck

“When the virus of restlessness begins to take possession of a wayward man, and the road away from here seems broad and straight and sweet, the victim must first find in himself a good and sufficient reason for going. This to the practical bum is not difficult. He has a built-in garden of reasons to choose from. Next he must plan his trip in time and space, choose a direction and a destination. And last he must implement the journey. How to go, what to take, how long to stay. This part of the process is invariable and immortal.”

-          John Steinbeck, “Travels with Charley”

Thoroughly enjoyed the visit to the Steinbeck museum the other day in Salinas. It was a pleasure to get reacquainted  with fiction writing.

The quote above, however, is from one of Steinbeck’s many nonfiction endeavors. As I get closer to winding down this California exploration and head back to home base, I know that I will stoke the fires for a return (more permanent) expedition (my “virus of restlessness” with “good and sufficient reason”) that will take place  in the not-too-distant future.    

On Walking and Words on the Path

According to a recent news brief in the New York Times, walking helps to increase the volume of your hippocampus, which is responsible for memory.

I’ve been an avid walker all of my adult life.  I am always sharper when I go for a walk prior to starting my work day. Here on my little adventure on the coast, walking has become the highlight of every day. The rest of the time I’m working on the self-sustaining pathway.

Not only does walking help my brain, it also helps my spirit. Many self-awareness moments have occurred while walking (or in the shower). The other day I forgot my iPod so I was listening to what some of the passer-bys were saying. Two women on bikes were in a deep conversation,  and I clearly heard one of them say “ it’s about achieving mastery of wisdom when you reach a high level of elderliness.”

Yes, that is what happens as we grow older, I thought, but how does one define “mastery of wisdom”? Is the answer only found on the proverbial mountain top where we ask the guru what is the meaning of life? I don’t think so. The mastery of wisdom is the when you reach a point in your life in which you really and truly become yourself, unencumbered by social mores or what others may think about you or what the world outside of yourself tells you to be, unafraid of being what your inner self has been telling you all along.  It is the epitome of the purpose pathway.

The self-sustaining pathway, however, often interferes with achieving mastery of wisdom. It’s usually in the form of a job – the means for sustenance. People who have found a self-sustaining pathway that brings them adqueate sustenance along with some meaningful purpose, I think, are probably happiest – that is, of course, if they are also healthy as well as have love in their life.

 

On the Homeless

Here in California I see homeless people every day. Back home I rarely, if ever, see homeless people. Part of the reason is that the weather is so nice and there are so many beautiful spots along the coast where the homeless can just hang out without getting beat up by the elements.  Back home, especially during the winter, they must go underground someplace – I’m not sure where. Plus, I live in a suburb where there simply are not any homeless people – at least they are not visible.

There is actually an interesting blog about why people become homeless, the struggles they face, and how you can help them, called “The Homeless Guy.”

I’m particularly amazed at some of the people I see who are living in dilapidated RVs that look like they could not travel more than a few feet. I’ve seen several of these along the ocean-lined pathway.  Their way of life does not look nearly as hard as those who are on-foot, sleeping who knows where.

When I was a young man I had a job one summer with a city youth group in which a small group of us painted the inside of a flop house in the heart of downtown Buffalo. I was around 15 or 16 at the time. It was a vivid experience. In particular, I remember talking with some of the men who lived there in a refurbished school with several rooms holding rows of single beds, and one day I recall a man  dying, being taken out on a stretcher already gone. These were people with serious alcohol and drug problems who had no place to live.

In any event, I remember one of the men – can’t remember his name – who used to talk to me every day. He nicknamed me “Satchimo,” because I always had my baseball hat on backwards. I recall him being very intelligent. He told me that he was once a successful businessman with a wife, children, nice house, etc. He warned me about the dangers of alcohol and drugs, explaining how it could happen to the best of us.

As I see all these homeless people every day, I often wonder how they got to where they are. Also, whenever I see homeless people I realize how fortunate I really am.

On Pathways

To state the obvious, I’m into “Pathways.”  Everything in my mind is some sort of pathway, with the destination – that being in the future – never evident. Most of the time, whatever pathway you happen to be on at any given time is full of surprise.  Such is life. It never seems to turn out the way you expect it to turn out.

Just like physical pathways in the real world, every pathway is unique. Some pathways are short; others are long; some are straight; some are winding; some go downhill; some are flat; and some are uphill. What you see on each pathway and how you react to what you see becomes a story. Every pathway has a story.

As I have noted repeatedly here, I believe there are four primary pathways in life that help to define our level of overall happiness: health, self-sufficiency, purpose, and love. Each of these primary pathways has numerous other pathways within them. Inside the health pathway, for instance, is the pathway on how you eat, the pathway on how you exercise, the pathway on how you take care of your mind and body on a daily basis, the pathway on how you deal with fear or paranoia, and on and on.  Inside the self-sufficiency pathway are paths about your work life, your finances, your job skills, your shelter, etc…  The purpose pathway deals with how you react to the world you live in. Are you passionate about something? Is there something in your life that you must confront or achieve in order to make you feel more whole as a person? The love pathway can take you down many paths. Doing things with your loved ones, for instance, takes you down great and unforgettable roads. Interacting with your fellow man has love implications. How you interact with the planet can relate to a love of the environment that will take you down interesting pathways.

All the pathways cross into each other to form you, the person. Pathways cross over and converge – the environmentalist who has a deep love of nature also has a purpose that deals with saving our planet. The parents who love their children deeply are driven by a purpose to help them become successful. We want to be healthy to live longer and continue to be around our loved ones for as long as possible. We work hard to support and sustain a decent life for ourselves and others.  

Yes, to state the obvious, I’m into “Pathways.” Sounds simple enough, but it all becomes extraordinarily fascinating and complex when you start thinking about all the pathways you have gone down, and continue to go down, and the ones you are going to go down tomorrow, and the pathways where you get lost.

People on the Pathway

Typically when I’m walking along the pathway I don’t pay much attention to the people and just focus on the music playing on my iPod and the scenery. Today, however, I did some people watching. Here’s some of what I saw (only in California):

• A homeless man driving a bike that had huge antlers on its handle bars
• A fairly large woman walking with a very small wiener dog
• A man talking loudly to himself
• Four attractive young women climbing up a dangerous-looking rock
• People actually swimming – without wet suites -  in some very cold water
•  A young man reading a book
• Two hippieish looking adults in their forties or fifties, both with very long frizzy hair, driving a vintage Mercedes that looked like a mini Rolls Royce
• A group of six or seven homeless people all talking loud about something or other
• An assorted number of young kids peering out from screened canopies that were attached to the back of one of their parent’s bikes
•  A good number of senior citizens who walked very slowly but steadily
• A very obese bare-chested man walking quickly and sweating profusely
• An elderly man who seemed to be lost
• Numerous bicyclists of various shapes and sizes, going at a wide variety of speeds, dressed in both drab and colorful outfits
• People sitting pensively and peacefully on benches overlooking the water
• People in wet suits both in and out of the water
• Elderly married couples strolling and seeming content
• Joggers and power walkers

 

Wanderlust

Every morning I find another unbelievably beautiful segment of the paved bike and walking pathway that lines the ocean here on the Monterey peninsula. I’ve been here for 12 days and it has only rained on one day – every day has been in the mid to upper sixties with plenty of sunshine. I’m currently sitting outside working on a patio with a cool breeze.

This morning, out near Seaside where there are great sand dunes, I came upon two high points on the path where there were outstanding views of the complete bay.  I can’t get over the scenery here; it is comparable to Hawaii. Wherever I drive there is an incredible amount of plant life and wonderful trees alongside and jutting over the winding roads, forming a natural green canopy.

Last night I went to a Chamber of Commerce mixer to try to get a feel for what the business climate is like. Everyone is struggling, especially those in the real estate market. Tourism seems to be down, with restaurants and bars opening and closing in short order. There are bright spots too, just like all over the country.

It’s obviously more expensive here – no surprise.  You do have to pay to live in this kind of beauty.  In NY we live in a old three-bedroom house with 2 complete baths, a detached garage, finished basement, and about one quarter acre of land. Living in a place like that here is not feasible on my income as a freelance writer. We would have to trim down to renting a 2 bedroom, 1.5 bath with about 800 less square feet of space overall, and it would run around 1500 to 2000 to rent. Utilities would be a bit less, as there is no great need for heat or air conditioning. Gasoline is about the same. Groceries look about even, depending on where you shop. So, the big challenge is finding that right place to live. And then, of course, moving everything you own across the country would be another big challenge.  Tied into that would be paring down everything we own into only what’s really needed – something I’ve been meaning to do for a long time but have never been able to muster up the energy to do  – or just plain laziness.

Overall this idea of changing our “place” has elements of stress and elements of excitement and enough challenges to give me a severe headache and ulcer. It would be so much easier to stay put, but I still have that wanderlust – just older and move a lot slower. However, this walking every morning is helping me slowly move faster, so anything is possible.

Everything a Man Can Want

I’ve been thinking about material wants and needs, or, I should say, perceived material wants and needs, not the absolutely-must-fulfill needs that a man must have.

Here’s my short list, not in any order or preference:

• A decent automobile, not necessarily a brand new luxury automobile – just one that gets me from A to B without needing repair work.
• A decent place to live, not necessarily a great big house – just one that has a kitchen, laundry room, average sized bedroom, a living room, a bathroom,  a small office with book shelves and is located in a quiet neighborhood that is not far from some kind of walking/bike path.
• A good supply of books or at least access to a good supply of books.
• A computer with an internet connection, a printer, and a phone that work properly all the time, or most of the time.
• Pens, paper and something to write about.
• Jeans, t-shirts, aloha shirts, sneakers, a hooded rain jacket, a hooded sweatshirt, a couple of baseball hats, and a dress outfit with comfortable shoes for special events.
• A good supply of almonds, cereal, non-fat organic milk, cheese, organic turkey breast, apples, bananas, organic multi-grain bread, a toaster, peanut butter and jam,  a little pasta and some sauce, minestrone soup, some salad, a box of decent crackers,  some good salsa with tortilla chips and a decent supply of dark chocolate.
• A coffee maker.
• Clean drinking water.
• Close friends and a loving family. I know this is not a material need, but I had to put it in.
• Enough work to enable me to pay my bills each month without worry. Don’t need a savings account or retirement fund because I’ll be working right up until my last breath.
• A comfortable bed.
• A comfortable lounge chair.
• A TV – does not have to be large screen.
• An iPod with good head phones.  

A Post From the Life-is-Good Playbook

I came back fully to the groove of work on Monday, after a badly needed respite spent exploring the Central Coast and Monterey peninsula with my daughter. I have started my daily walking regimen (the health pathway). The weather is more than awesome. Walked for more than one hour and
goal is to increase it to about two hours every early
morning. I was smiling while walking – a very good thing from a health perspective as well.

On the self-sufficiency side of things I’ve been on the phone, writing, interviewing, researching, etc… the normal actions I take throughout the day and night. Things can be better on this pathway – but I’m not complaining.  As always, I go by the mantra of “the harder I work, the luckier I get.” Also keeping a positive outlook helps to bring more business (BTW, this is no "Secret").  So here I am plugging away in my transferred office. It’s good to know that I can work very effectively from anywhere as long as I have a computer, printer, phone, Internet connection and decent-sized workspace to hold all the papers I typically have strewn around me. I brought reams of research with me, enough to fill one suitcase.

For the purpose pathway, I’m happy to be working on a project that deals with what is called “Learn & Earn.” These are basically initiatives in which businesses and community colleges figure out how to collaborate to help working, self-supporting students who are struggling with maintaining a decent living while also attending college classes.  More on this topic later, which ties into self sufficiency. For now, however, I will simply say that it is something I can relate to on a personal level , since I am proud to say that I somehow managed to pay my own way through college, as many other people I know. I always say they should give out special recognition at commencement ceremonies to those students who paid their own way up through degree completion.

For the love pathway, I’m missing the family and making a lot of phone calls back home. Being alone, however, does bring more quiet introspection which is helpful in giving me the energy to work harder and smarter.  

What a Ride!

  Driving north along Highway 1 from San Luis Obispo to Monterey in a 2005 Kia what-ya-ma-call-it was an exhilarating experience that ran through a series of emotions. It began as a fairly flat and straight journey with spectacular, awe-inspiring views of the central coastline.  The windows were open, and the air felt exhilarating. The sky was blue. The sun was shining bright. We were smiling, taking it all in.  It was dream-like and surreal. The sun applied a mirror-like sheet across a gigantic swath of the Pacific. I hadn’t  felt this good in a long time.

But, of course, nothing lasts forever. Soon the ride, while remaining spectacular, became a challenge that required my complete attention with blind curves and drops that changed my focus – I kept thinking of that Doors’ lyric – “keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.”

In many ways it was a metaphor for life itself – a pathway of exquisite beauty and lurking peril. If you pay close attention to where you are heading and steer your own course faithfully with all your might while still catching glimpses of the colorful splendor, the trip remains pleasant while challenging and tiresome at the same time.

A Conversation with My Daughter

 “I’d never get anything done if I lived out here,” said the young college student (my daughter) as she contemplated her future.  We were driving along a beautiful section of the Monterey peninsula.

“So, are you saying that you could not get yourself to live in a beautiful place like this?” I asked.

“That’s right. I wouldn’t mind coming out here for a vacation, but I would not study and work as hard as I do now if I lived here.” She’s a great student with lots of ambition.

“You need cold and snowy weather to do your work?” I asked.

“Yes. This is too laid back for me. I’d be sitting on the beach everyday and eventually getting totally bored to a point where I’d have to move back East. Plus, I need to be around serious New Yorkers.”

“Hmm,” I shook my head.  “It sounds like you are saying that Californians are a bunch of devil-may-care,  lazy beach goers, and that New Yorkers are more energized and productive worker bees” so to speak.

“Exactly; I would not go to the library as much if I lived near all these palm trees,” she laughed.

She had a point. I know I would probably not get as much done with such beautiful weather around me all the time. I’d be outside each day walking along that gorgeous pathway that lines the ocean, or hiking  along one of the numerous inland park trails that meanders through some interesting and beautiful fauna.

At home in Buffalo, I frequently bury myself in my office and not venture outdoors for days. I get an awfully lot done during the winters.

“Californians get a lot done, too, you know,” I noted. “You are stereotyping.”

“I think California is a great big contradiction,” she started to explain. “Californians say they are socially conscious and green, but then you look at all these monster-sized homes jutting out of the landscape that reek of materialism.  And there are just way too many luxury automobiles passing by a ton of poor and homeless people.”

She said that while we were driving through the Carmel area, and I was saying to myself, “Yep, this is another option I should consider.” And then I thought,   “Gee, I’d hate to have her on one coast and the rest of the family living on another coast.”   Then again, she’ll eventually live wherever she wants to live, regardless of where I might want her to live. 

So, California is still looking feasible. Tomorrow we get to explore the Stanford campus, which I hear is quite awesome.

First Leg of Trip About "Keeping the Faith"

I happened to be reading something about religion – can’t remember exactly – in which the author was saying how it is foolish to attribute divine intervention to what happens to us. The point was things happen randomly and that there is no God controlling our fate. Don’t tell me that God intervened when you had that recent stroke of extraordinary luck for no apparent reason.  Don’t tell me that by the grace of the patron saint of lost items, Saint Anthony, your lost wallet was returned to you intact with nothing missing.

I tend to agree that these things happened randomly, without any divine intervention, but then something happens to me that causes me to think otherwise.  

We arrived at the San Francisco airport – everything had gone smoothly with our flights.  I loaded up our luggage onto the cart and headed for the taxi stand. In short order we were loading our stuff into the cab and on our way to the Rent-A-Wreck agency located in the city to pick up the car that would be my mode of transportation for the next 53 days. About halfway there my cell phone rings. It’s a San Francisco police officer. He happens to have my briefcase with my laptop and important business papers. “You can pick it up at the lower level in Terminal 1 by the Delta area,” he tells me.  We turn around and in about 15 minutes I have the briefcase that I stupidly had left behind at the taxi stand.

Fortunately, unbeknownst to me, my wife had put an identification tag on the briefcase handle that included my cell number. The police officer told me he picks up luggage and briefcases left at the airport every day. Most of the time the stuff does not have an identification tag, so it goes into lost and found until somebody calls for it.

All I had to do was show my license to the police officer who then handed over my briefcase. We were back on the road in no time at all, every possession now safe and intact. We got the Rent-A-Wreck, a 2007 Kia something-or-other and headed to our destination in Monterey. I am now happily typing this blog post.

The laptop was newly bought especially for this trip and was loaded with all my business software and document essentials – without it I would have had to go through an enormous amount of trouble and stress. Instead, my wife’s good sense and the kindness of a police officer made everything a-okay.

These types of experiences are difficult to explain. If it was random or divine intervention is anyone’s best guess? I’m leaning toward divine intervention and keeping the faith that the rest of this trip will go smoothly.  The spirits of success are watching out for me. By thinking positive and now being a bit more alert due to this lesson just learned, I believe wholeheartedly that good things will happen over the next 52 days.  

On Being a Freelance Writer

Probably the most challenging and difficult aspect of my life has been and still is earning a decent living as a self-employed writer. I don’t recommend this line of work for anyone who is risk averse, for it is fraught with insecurity and, at least for me, has never been stable over long periods of time. It’s very similar to being a musician, I guess. The chances of making it to the top of your game, where people actually purchase your creative efforts in big numbers, are extremely slim. Or, if you’re like me, decent work comes in spurts and your livelihood is a great big rollercoaster. But, I love it.

I love the challenge regardless of how much consternation comes with the job. Why? Because I have more control over what I do every day. Mind you, however, I do not have full control, for I have to answer to the people who hire out my services. Just like being an employee, I have to serve the businesses that ultimately pay me. So, in the end, really, there is no such thing as self-employment as a free-lance writer, but there is such thing as having a little bit more control over your fate that comes with being self-employed, if that makes sense. 

We all must confront the daily grind in order to be self-sufficient. And one of the great challenges when dealing with the grind harkens to what has become a clichéd Bible quotation: “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?” I rarely, if ever, quote scriptures, but that quote has stuck with me forever.

Like many freelance writers, I put in a lot of hours without the big rewards.  There are no overtime dollars, paying for health insurance has increasingly become a great challenge, and coming close to the brink of a fall can be a bit nerve racking at times. But I still love it. 

In addition to being more in control over your fate, the benefits of being a freelance writer include:

• Not being tied to a clock. In other words, you have flexible hours. This does not mean that you can take off whenever you want. My work is deadline driven, meaning that I have serious time constraints but simply have the ability to tackle the work whenever it seems best.
• In my case, there is a limited amount of driving involved. I work from a home office, so I don’t have to drive too much. I put less than 9,000 miles per year on my car.  During the cold winters, this is a real blessing.
• I can say and do whatever I want without having to worry about getting fired. While this is true, it does not apply to working with clients. They are my bosses, and I can’t just say anything I want to them without the prospect of getting totally disengaged from them and hence losing money.
• You get to pick what projects you want to work on. Sometimes, however, when things get tough on the financial side, you can be forced into taking on projects that you don’t find to be too exciting. For the most part, however, the work I take on has always been highly interesting and exciting.
• You create things from scratch and manage how they evolve into a finished product that makes you proud and feeling accomplished.
• There’s no cubicle.
• There’s no dress code.
• You don’t have to attend a lot of meaningless meetings.

On the other hand, there are some very serious disadvantages for the self-employed writer, such as:

• If you want to succeed, you have to work long hours and, oftentimes, the results amount to zero.
• You have to pay your own health insurance, and it keeps going up significantly each year, making it harder and harder to sustain things.
• You spend numerous hours alone, meaning the lovely camaraderie that comes with working for a company or organization does not exist.   
• There’s no IT guy around to fix your computer problems.
• There’s no vacation pay.
• There's no matching retirement fund contribution.
• There's no life insurance.
• You have to pay to go to conferences out of your own pocket, meaning that you stay in the cheap hotels; that is, of course, if you even get the chance to go to a conference in the first place.

I’m sure there are more advantages and disadvantages that I haven’t thought of yet – perhaps for a future post.

California Dreaming . . . Soon to be a Reality

It’s not so much the weather as it is the duration of the weather. Here in Western New York from November through March (and sometimes it starts heartily in October and goes heartily through April) it’s easy to fall into a winter funk from lack of sunshine and lack of being outdoors in general. For me this depressive state of mind and body typically starts right about now
and gradually goes downhill from there. February, in particular, is the most difficult month. By then my skin has turned lizard-like and I have developed what looks like a permanent scowl. Last year in February I was very close to taking the van as far south as possible to make my face unfreeze. That’s proof enough for me to realize that where I live does have an important impact on my level of contentment. For the lucky ones on the planet, where they live has no severe impact. However, when you take under consideration that  about one billion people live in extreme poverty due primarily to their geographic location being “landlocked, tropical, drought-prone, malaria-ridden, and off the world’s main trade routes” (from “Common Wealth” by Jeffrey Sachs), you have to feel fortunate no matter where you happen to live. Incidentally, right here in the US, more than 42 million people live below the poverty line.  

Where I plant my feet this winter will be different. In less than a week I’ll be heading to California where I’ll be staying for almost two months. I think this will bring a form of happiness that is very much dependent upon place. It should also bring in a stronger focus on the three other pathways: self-sufficiency (I’ll be working hard at establishing some business relationships in CA), purpose (I should be writing more as I’ll have a lot of lonely time while I’m there) and love (my family is coming in short spurts so I’ll be by myself most of the time, which I know will bring about an absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder effect, as well as some serious I-miss-you-guys anguish).

I will be recording some of these effects and experiences in future posts as I traverse and ponder the west coastal highways of life.

What's Your Manifesto?

As defined in merriam-webster.com, a manifesto is “a written statement declaring publicly the intentions, motives, or views of its issuer.” Going a little deeper into the history of the word “manifesto,” one finds that it has Italian roots, from manifestare to manifest, originating from the Latin manifestus.

 “Creed” is a related word that is often used for religious belief pronouncements, such as Martin Luther’s 95 Theses posted on the front door of his local church in 1517 and known as a catalyst for the Protestant Reformation. (I’m not condoning any religion here, just using this as an historical example.) Another related word is “platform,” used in the world of politics.

There are all kinds of manifestos. One of my favorites is “The Cluetrain Manifesto,” first published in 1999 and now a free book about how the Internet has changed the way we communicate today (see http://www.cluetrain.com/book/index.html).   

 Typically, a manifesto is presented in no particular order. It’s a kind of laundry list of proclamations that portray what an organization or group believes in no uncertain terms.

I think everyone has their own personal manifesto that we hold inside and don’t want to necessarily release to the public in fear of sounding overly self righteous or of possibly being attacked by those who may vehemently disagree with our beliefs. Nonetheless, I think it’s a great exercise to write out your personal manifesto and add and subtract to it as you see fit primarily because it really gets you thinking about your relationship to the world around you .

I’ve been working on mine, and in the spirit of sharing, and hopefully not sounding too self-righteous, here it is below.  

Please feel free to post your manifesto on this blog. It would make for great reading, as well as possibly stir up some interesting discussions.

• I believe in the total separation of church and state. Bringing religion into politics will only further divide us.
• Don’t tell me that your God(s) is the righteous God. I have my own, thank you. Or, someone else may not have any God(s).  I respect your God(s)-as long as they are not evil, and I respect your non belief in any God(s), and I would hope that you would respect mine.
• If we must talk about religion, no preaching. Instead, let’s look more closely at our religious commonalities and not the differences.
• I believe the poor and less fortunate should be assisted by the government, primarily in the form of jobs. Sure, there will be abuses – those who are more fortunate, work harder, or are wealthy through birth are not perfect either. We are all equally human, and some need more help than others.  We need more compassion for the poor and disenfranchised.
• I’m not an expert on immigration law and issues, but my heart tells me that we should let anyone into our country who wants to enter, as long as they are law-abiding citizens. Isn’t that pretty much how our country started in the first place? 
• I believe that the government has to intervene at times. While there is certainly bad government, there is also certainly good government.
• Politicians should have to pass some kind of intelligence test before being given the right to run for any office. They should also be required to sign some kind of contractual agreement or oath that would hold them more accountable to the promises they make during campaigns.
• Campaign contributions to any political race should be equal. In other words, no candidate should be allowed to have a larger war chest of campaign contributions than any of his or her opponents. 
• Many need to tone down the constant drive toward having more and more and more.
• Many need to eradicate the exaggerated admiration of the wealthy.
• Let’s talk about what brings us together, not what divides us.
• False advertising has become rampant and needs to be obliterated.
• People need to be nicer – and not so quick to provide an opinion about something they really know nothing about. In other words, educate yourself as thoroughly as possible before speaking out.
• I don’t care about anyone’s sexuality, and I don’t believe anybody should define their self by their sexuality.  Marriage should be a legal agreement between two consenting adults, regardless of sex. Sex should be a private matter.
• The corporate mindset of profits above all else, if not abated, could be the ruin of mankind.
• Parents, to their best ability, must be very actively involved in the moral and educational growth of their children.  Being actively involved does not mean they will succeed, but it will certainly increase the odds for success.
• What you do to your mind and body is your concern and nobody else’s – as long as you are not harming or have the potential to harm anyone in the process.  Anyone should also be allowed to end his or her life at his or her discretion.  Assisted suicide should be legalized.
• This will sound contradictory to the above, but I don’t believe in abortion (except in instances of rape and incest, or when the mother’s life is in grave danger) because I believe that one can always give life to those parents who are unable to have children of their own or to individuals who have a strong desire and are responsible enough to raise law-abiding citizens. I believe that pregnancy brings a serious ethical and moral responsibility upon inception that requires the human embryo growth process to progress up through actual birth. I do believe in the use of contraception that dramatically reduces the possibility of fertilization, but not the destruction of embryos, because I see embryos as life with the same human rights as fully developed humans, even though an embryo cannot survive outside of a uterus. I also believe that aborted or miscarried embryos should be used in stem-cell research.  This what I believe on the issue of abortion, however contradictory it may sound.  I believe it is based on being responsible as well as having a respect for life and individuality. 
• There are laws that must be obeyed, such as driving rules, no-smoking rules, you can’t physically or mentally harm someone intentionally, no stealing, respect others at all times, no fraudulent behavior, no bullying, no slandering, do not lie, honor and obey the golden rule, etc …
• As a society I believe we need to take a good, hard look at what the media is covering while still allowing it the freedom to publish whatever it wants to publish. In other words, we, as individuals, need to become more active in exposing and spreading the word about poor and dishonest media practices.
• Take care of the planet as best as you can. Keep working on becoming a greener person.
• Always challenge authority.
• Have a healthy skepticism, especially when someone professes belief in anything that cannot be proven. 
• Form your own belief system based on your inner self.  Pay close attention to what goes on inside your head and do not live in fear.  Develop your individual educational pathway.
• Develop a global mindset – think about the poverty-stricken that are so prevalent worldwide and how lucky you truly are.
• Don’t be afraid of being a nonconformist, and don’t be afraid of speaking your mind and sticking up for what you believe is right.  You may not have a lot of close friends with this kind of mindset, but you will be true to yourself, which is more important than having a lot of friends.
• If someone tells you that you can’t do something that you really want to do – and it does not harm anyone – do it with pride.
• Find joy in the sake of learning for its own sake.
• Many of society’s problems would be eliminated if every employer paid their employees a livable wage, and if decent education opportunities were more available to everyone for a low cost or for free.
• Certain drugs (not all) that are illegal and/or need a prescription should be legalized and easy to obtain without a prescription for everyone who is 18 or older.  

On The Element, Heroes and Oprah Winfrey

The word “purpose” has at least three synonyms, according to WordNet (see http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=purpose): intent, function and determination.

My favorite definition is listed under determination:  “The quality of being determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose. His determination showed in his every movement. He is a man of purpose."

A decent book about this topic is “The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything,” by Ken Robinson (http://www.elementbook.com/).  The Element, according to Robinson is “the place where the things we love to do and the things we are good at come together.” Simple enough, right?  I have not found my complete Element yet. I definitely feel that I have a long ways to go. Nonetheless, as Robinson explains, “it is essential that each of us find his or her Element, not simply because it will make us more fulfilled but because, as the world evolves, the very future of our communities and institutions will depend on it.”

I think many of us don’t take the time to really think about the true composition of our Element because we are too busy living out our daily lives and responsibilities in the survival mode. Plus, our true ability to find our true Element is hampered by the noise of our U.S. society that has become overly materialistic. We place way too much interest and respect on the overtly wealthy as models to emulate as opposed to looking inside ourselves for deeper meaning. As Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.”   

The real people we should be emulating are those who help others, the people who give everything of themselves regardless of their station in life. They are the real heroes. A good place to find inspirational  stories about such people is on the CNN Heroes website, at http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes/index.html. Here you’ll find lots of video clips from the TV show of the same title that was hosted by Anderson Cooper in 2009 and 2010, with nominations currently being accepted for 2011.  It was one of the best TV shows I watched in 2010. These are great examples of people who have found purpose. As noted on the website, they have championed children, crusaded for their communities, defended the planet, devoted their lives to protecting the powerless and much more.  I think these videos are excellent for teenagers to watch as opposed to all the ridiculous stuff they see on YouTube.

Contrast this to Oprah Winfrey’s Favorite Things Give-O-Ways show, which,  in my opinion, was a truly disgusting example of materialism gone wild, with numerous shots of audience members soaked in overly-religious-like raptures all because they have just been given a bevy of things, including an iPad and a 2012 VW Beetle. IMO, Oprah lost a lot of credibility with these giveaway extravaganzas (she has held three and the most recent was supposedly her last one as she moves to her new network). I’ve seen other things that are much more humanistic and meanigful that Oprah has done with her wealth, so it surprises me that she supports this kind of nonsense. In my mind it does not serve a decent purpose, especially when you consider all the struggling have-nots who watch her show every day.   Of course, we can all simply turn the boob tube off  or be a lot more selective in what we watch (for another conversation).

Okay, so, really, what does all this have to do with the word “purpose”?  The answer is inside.

On Following Your "Daimon"

Doing research on the topic of “self sufficiency” can take you down a variety of paths, including references to self reliance, independence, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau and a lot about survivalist lifestyles.  

To me, the height of self sufficiency means being capable of pulling up your own boot straps and creating a way a life that is consistent with your heart’s true desires – a most difficult task, indeed.

One of my favorite books on this topic is Thomas Moore’s “A Life at Work: The Joy of Discovering What You Were Born to Do.” In chapter nine, Moore writes about “The Daimon of Work,” explaining that we are all born with a daimon that defines our deepest passions, drives our lives forward, and becomes more prominent as we grow old. Following your daimon is oftentimes not practical because you become more individualistic, free-spirited and inconsistent with the career path you may have landed in over time, especially if you happen to be working for a large corporation that has little regard for humanness.  Moore notes that “as a power it tends to urge a person away from the safe and secure life into areas of risk.”  People who follow their daimon can expect a struggle. “What for some is instability, for others is loyalty to a daimon.”

Related to daimon is duende, which Moore says is “the ability to put your life on the line for what you do and to do it without regard for the approval of polite society.” One can be led by daimon and filled with duende.

While Moore does not solve the challenges and struggles that come with following your daimon, the fact that he identifies with  it with such clarity is enough to create a certain camaraderie-like feeling inside when you read about it, knowing that there are many people who strive to do great things outside of the callous, materialistic, and overly corporate social constructs that too often define us as human beings.  

On Learning a Simple Lesson in a Difficult Way

I was maybe 14 or 15 years old, and I was getting pummeled by this very big guy with long arms. As his fists were hitting my face, my feet kept sliding on the sidewalk’s slippery ice. It was a fairly comical scene. The big dude, along with a bunch of other dudes, had swiftly climbed out of a car that screeched to a halt directly in front of the corner where we were hanging out. I could not get out of his reach and had to take a good number of hard blows.  He then suddenly stopped and ran back into the car, where his comrades also piled back in, laughing and cursing as they drove away. They had executed a perfect quick hit, as I stood with a small group of young, likeminded hooligan friends on the corner doing nothing. This was typical for us during our teenage years in the neighborhood.

Not being very quick in the first place was a disadvantage that resulted in a good hammering for me. Everyone else was fast and aware enough to escape.

In many ways this was not a good way to grow up, standing on corners all the time either getting into trouble, waiting for trouble to find us, or simply doing absolutely nothing when we should have been doing our homework.

I checked my bloody lip reflected in the corner grocery store window; it was nothing serious. It really was not that bad, even though the big dude had probably hit me at least six times square in the face. The slipping and sliding must have helped to lessen the strength of those blows – no real solid hits but good enough to create a small slash in my lower lip. We all had a hearty laugh about the incident on my behalf. 

I learned a good lesson that day to always be a little more alert about where I was and what may be coming from around the corner. That’s what growing up in a relatively tough city neighborhood teaches you at an early age -  self preservation, self reliance - call it what you may. It’s all about building on your inner resources and powers to take on the pathways that will come before you.  We all eventually learn how to keep our eyes open and become self-sufficing human beings.  It took some blows to the head for me to learn that sooner rather than later.

This is one of many stories embedded in memory that represents my early life growing up in a close-knit American neighborhood and how those years helped to create a combination of meandering, lost and straight courses that brought significant meaning  to the four pathways toward happiness and self fulfillment:  health, self-sufficiency, purpose and love.  

Where you grow up obviously has a strong bearing on who you become. More interesting neighborhood stories to come . . .  

Know Thyself, Regardless of What the Doctor Says

It was a beautiful July 4^th weekend.  I was at the Laguna Beach Art Festival with the woman I had just met several weeks ago and would eventually marry. We were strolling along the sawdust paths of the festival, both feeling happy beyond any sort of adjective- laden description.

Suddenly without the slightest warning I felt a sharp pain in my right side. I thought it was just one of those strange pains that will subside quickly, until about an hour later when I could barely walk. Something very nasty was happening.   I kept thinking, “for once in about a decade I’m having a wonderful time with an interesting and beautiful woman whom I really like and who actually really likes me,  but fate has something else in store for us. Jeez, God, give me a f-ing break, man.” 

Life can be that way, throwing an unsuspecting curve right when you are confidently in the box, expecting a meatball down the middle. I managed to see a doctor who thought I had some kind of pleurisy, perhaps. He suggested that I wait it out and see my personal doctor as soon as we got back home. We were living in Las Vegas at the time, a good four to five hours away, and it was a Saturday, on a holiday weekend. It’s never good to get sick on a weekend, especially if it happens to land on a holiday. We could start going back immediately, go to a local hospital emergency room, or wait it out and see what happens. I was still holding on to the idea of this being just some fluky pain that would go away.

We tried going to a movie.  I was giving it my best mental effort to not notice the extreme pain I was really feeling.  “No, God,” I kept saying to myself, “I am not going to let this get the best of me on this truly great weekend.” About an hour through the movie, we had to leave, and we began the trek back home.  I sat bent over and miserable in the passenger seat as my wife-to-be sped to Las Vegas.

We arrived at the Las Vegas hospital emergency room in record time. An x-ray was taken immediately.  As I lay crunched up on the medical room table, the doctor came in, looked me straight in the eye and said “you have a broken rib.”   I looked him back in the eye and said “this ain’t no broken rib, doc; you better get someone else to look at that x-ray, now!” I was not in the least bit friendly at this moment. In fact, If I had any strength, I probably would have physically tried to throw this guy out of the medical room.  

A few minutes later another doctor came in. He looked me straight in the eye and said, we have to admit you because you have a collapsed lung. “Okay, doc, thank you,” I said.

The moral of this story is that when it comes to your health, always second guess your doctor’s prognosis. It’s easy to agree with the first thing that comes out of any doctor’s mouth, and put your total trust in this person.  But experience has shown me, and many others, time and time again—not only from this incident, but from many others—that getting at least one more opinion can make a big difference.

That’s my post about the health pathway for today. More to come about health in the near future, as well as on the three other pathways towards happiness: self-sufficiency, purpose and love.   

On Longevity

My grandfather on my mother’s side always had a very healthy disposition, despite having to endure the extreme hardship of losing his son at a young age to disease.  He always had a way of making you laugh or smile. He was one of those kind souls who just made you feel good whenever you were fortunate enough to be near him. People who have that gift are very special, indeed.

He lived into his 90s, and he would have lived longer, but his heart would not hold him up as strong after his wife passed away.

For the vast majority of his days on earth, however, he was extremely healthy and vibrant, capable of doing a good number of push-ups well into his eighties.  What was his secret?

For one, he did not drive an automobile.  He either walked or took the bus, but mostly walked, regardless of how far he had to go. 

He was also an active, hard worker, often holding several jobs. He had a green thumb and, in traditional Italian fashion, maintained an extraordinary garden that he would proudly show to his grandchildren. The garden helped him to eat organically, and he was also an extraordinary cook.  He had the joy of cooking in him.

He had a great sense of humor. Whenever he came over to our house on the holidays he would recite television commercials verbatim in his thick Italian accent – and we laughed. It was hilarious the way he did that. I believe he had an unbelievable memory, as evidenced by the commercial recitations, including the tonal qualities of the characters, which kept his mind quite active and sharp.

He did not drink alcohol (other than an occasional glass of Italian wine); he did not smoke, or behave in anyway unethically. He was a devoted husband and father. Life was not in any way complicated. He lived comfortably without the excess materialism we have today. A fancy car was not in his cards, although I’m sure he could afford one if he really wanted one. No fancy restaurant fares for him.  No nights out on the town at the local tavern. No gambling.  He had good faith in his God. Walking everywhere and eating organically from his own garden were key factors in contributing to his excellent health and longevity.  All this created his shining aura that made you smile whenever you were with him.  

In The Blue Zone by Dan Buettner, the people of Sardinia are recognized for being some of the healthiest, longest-living people on the planet. One of the key contributors to the longevity of Sardinians is that they are mostly sheepherders and agriculturalists who walk a lot every day.  Buettner notes that  “walking five miles a day or more provides the type of low-intensity exercise that yields all the cardiovascular benefits you might expect, but it also has a positive effect on muscles and bones – without the joint-pounding damage caused by running marathons or triathlons.” Sardinians also enjoy a “largely plant-based diet with an emphasis on beans, whole wheat and garden vegetables, often  washed down with flavonoid-rich Cannonau wine.”  In addition, they are noted for having a “hardship-tempered sense of humor,”  “a relentless dedication” to family, and a “lifelong drive to work.”  These are all traits that my grandfather had, so it’s no wonder why he lived into his 90s.

It's Never Too Late for Good Health

When I was a young man growing up at home, there was always a stick of pepperoni, some provolone cheese and hearty Italian bread readily available from our refrigerator. In high school I would eat a minimum of two salami, ham or capicola sandwiches for lunch every day of the week.  Typically these were topped off with Hostess cupcakes or Twinkies. Fried eggs with bacon or sausage for breakfast was very common – at least three or four days a week. Pancakes with loads of butter and syrup was the typical Sunday menu.  I do still succumb to such eating habits, on occasion, but not nearly as much as I used to growing up in an Italian family. Did I not mention pasta - rigatonis every Thursday and Sunday? Not to mention the huge holiday dinners with lasagna, meatballs, Italian sausage and a ham dinner with all the trimmings also tossed into the fare. Then, of course, there were the cookies. . .  OMG!

When I was about 14, I started smoking. I started at our local neighborhood theatre where it was customary for pseudo tough guys to smoke in the lavatory near the door while still watching the matinee.  When I turned 18, I was allowed to smoke at home. I became a chain smoker in college, puffing on Camel non-filters. I remember—when I worked as a student journalist and editor of the college newspaper —having this large ashtray on my desk that was always loaded to the brim with cigarette butts. I would talk to people on the staff from behind this stack of butts, puffing away in this smoke haze and smell that permeated my space.

All this abuse resulted in a collapsed lung and a lobectomy (my middle lobe was removed in my early 30s). I still have the urge to smoke – if I am in a place where people are smoking, I will mooch cigarettes. I will even smoke an entire pack now and then. I’ve probably smoked thee packs in the past six months overall, along with about five cigars. The rest of the time I do not smoke and don’t really think about smoking.  Yes, it’s a tough habit to break. Just ask President Obama. The point I’m trying to make is that most of us can withstand a lot of abuse. I’m not a doctor, but I stand as a testament to how the human body is very capable of withstanding the effects of poor habits.

Look at obesity in our country. Look at the people who still smoke daily, regardless of how expensive of a habit it has become. Look at the people who drink extraordinary amounts of hard alcohol on a daily basis. Surely we are a bunch of idiots.

My motto is very simple: “It’s never too late to change.” I’ve changed – lost 40 lbs, gained 20 lbs back over the past two years.  Became a vegetarian for one year, went back to eating meat again a year later. Now I’m gearing up for another good health regimen that starts the day after Christmas. Yes, it’s never too late.  Never give up; start over again because tomorrow will come and you’ll be the same, or better, or worse.

On Love

To not have love in one’s life must be a very difficult and tough existence.  Love is essential for survival, like food, clothing and shelter.  The notion of love includes love of yourself.  Loving yourself is enough to keep you alive and kicking.

During my single years, up until I was 35, I had less love then I have today, now with a wife and two children. The notion of love changed when I got married, and it changed again with the birth of my daughter and son. I vividly recall how my mind, body and soul were, so to speak, “electrified” when our children were born. Parenthood is an indescribable, unconditional love that changes everything forever.   

This is not to say, however, that one must get married and have children in order to receive and express unconditional, life-altering love. One can be passionate about so many things. Pursuing our passion(s) is a form of love that moves us along exciting pathways that alter our lives in worthwhile and interesting ways that we never would have imagined.  

Overall, love has numerous implications that I hope to expand on in future posts.

On Having a Purpose

Asking yourself what’s your purpose in life is a great question that really gets you thinking. It’s an effective way to analyze where you are and where you are heading. It also makes me realize that I am woefully inadequate.

My purpose is to be a good father and husband, and a provider. But should it not be much more than that? Shouldn’t I be helping those who are less fortunate than me? Shouldn’t I find something meaningful to do that is beyond the borders of my immediate family? The answer, of course, is yes.

Sometimes I think my work as an education writer helps in the grand scheme of the so-called greater good, and other times I think that I’m  just an ant in the colony carrying the load of life as best as I can, like millions and millions of other ants. When I rest, my focus is on entertainment, not volunteering.

Like I said, asking yourself what’s your purpose in life can really get you thinking.  

I hope to write more on what it really means to be purposeful in future posts.

On Being Self-Sufficient

Being self-sufficient is all about work. And work is all about doing what you really want to do in life. Most people, however, work at jobs that they hate. Some tolerate working at jobs they hate better than others. They see the benefits of earnings that sustain their lives, so they go to work every day, complete their job responsibilities very effectively and then spend the rest of their time doing what they really enjoy. This is an excellent strategy that works very well for many people, but it has never worked for me – which is why I am self-employed. I've tried the employed-by-others  life numerous times, and it has never worked out very well.

Being self-employed, in my opinion, pushes one on a much harder pathway towards being self-sufficient. The rewards, however, can be much greater than the aforementioned work scenario.

The ultimate, of course, is being able to do what you love all the time while simultaneously being self-sufficient. That has been one of my primary goals for most of my adult life, and I’m not there yet but getting closer as I age.

More on this in future posts.